Thursday, April 8, 2010

L is for Love, Luke and Loss......

I love being a grandma....It is one of the biggest joys in my life. Before my first grandchild was born, I worried that I wouldn't feel that bond...Kinda like when you are pregnant with your second child and you are worried that you wont have enough love for another child..After all, you love the first one sooooo much! Then you see them and it is instant adoration, fascination and yes, love....I have been at every grandchild's birth and am amazed that every time I am instantaneously overwhelmed with love and I feel that new baby calling to everything I am! The kids all call me maga.....it is Daniels (my first grand child's ) word for me....and it has stuck. I love being Maga, it is the most important thing I do and it is my most joyous one....If you ask me how many grand kids I have I will always say 6....Five on earth and one in Heaven because I always count Luke....He is with me everyday as much as the other kids...He lives in my heart and my memories.....
Luke died of SIDS when he was two and a half months old....I had just taken a lot of pictures of him because I did a lot of scrap booking then...I am so glad I did....



















When you lose a grandchild, you try to hold off your own grief so you can help your own child get through it...It is the hardest, most painful job in the world....I never actually let go until I made this page for Luke and said goodbye....If you click on it, it will get large and you can read it....




L is for Luke, Loss and Love.....

Luke Thomas Allen
February 2004 - April 2004

45 comments:

Laurie said...

Melinda, I can't begin to feel your pain at losing such a sweet little boy. Your letter to him is so beautiful, and one day you will see him again, and I guarantee he'll be running into your arms, and "fitting" just perfect again. Bless you.

Robin (rsislandcrafts) said...

I can't even imagine the hurt you and your family must still feel. I understand the part about being there for your kids and putting aside your pain to help them through theirs.

Pat said...

Ah yes...we have all put our own pain aside to help our (grown) kids get past their pain. I'm sorry Luke was a SIDS baby. Your tribute to him is a beautiful one and very heartfelt. The year of his passing struck a note with me as two months later, our beautiful granddaughter, Jessi, was born.......2004 was a year of joy AND sadness for you and I was lucky that it was a year of only joy for me. I wish it could have been the same for you, my friend.

Christy said...

This post brings me to tears. What a beautiful tribute to Luke. As a mom who has lost an infant (at 4 months) whose name is Luke, I can tell you how much strength and love and peace my mom gave to me by being there. As a grandma myself I cannot imagine the pain of watching my son suffer and also losing a grandchild. You are a strong Maga and your family is blessed to have you. I know your Luke is waiting in Heaven for all of you.

Barb said...

My hear to goes out to you....

Jo said...

oh Melinda ... it must have taken such strength to help your child through this loss and have to deal with such a big loss yourself. Your journaling is heartfelt and honest ... thank you for sharing this special little boy with us.

Viki said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My friend had a grandson too that passed away from SIDS. It was one of the saddest times. God Bless you.

arttage said...

I am so glad you finally did this Melinda. The new man must be helping you heel by giving you the love you have so needed. Did you ever show your daughter the painting I did of Luke or about Luke? I am also glad you got a lot of photos of the sweet baby while he was here. Wow 6 grand kids that's a lot of em! One more then my mom has. My mom always tells people she still has four children too even though one has passed on. I know she could have used her mom's support when my brother died too. It's devastating for everyone involved especially the mom and grandmom. Your daughter is so lucky to have you Melinda. I am lucky I have my mum too. Hope I never have to go through loosing a child or a grandchild though. Loosing a baby brother at age 28 was hard enough for me.
Love all your nes art too always makes me think "Wow she's talented!"

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

Melinda, I don't even have the words to express my sadness..all I can say is he was too beautiful for earth..now he is at home.

Blessings to you and to your children and grands..

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

You had me crying after the first sentence. I can't possibly imagine what you must be feeling, especially on this day. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to cry with you.

Amanda said...

I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a little grandbaby. This was a beautiful post, and left me in tears.

Jenxo said...

Melinda, that post brought tears to my eyes, he was so beautiful and it would have to be the worst thing to lose a child....thanks for sharing jenxo

Laura said...

Certainly the hardest part of life is when we loose loved ones especially at such a young age. I really know what you mean about the eyes. They look full of wisdom and knowing and do not look like an ordinary babies eyes. Very telling.

searchfamilies said...

How touching is that i so sorry for your loss it must be so hard losing a child/grandchild & yes i would be counting the one in heaven as well
Hugs Janice

~*~Patty Szymkowicz said...

Love Never Dies

a perfectly beautiful message that I know your precious Luke has received ... one day we will be able to hold our boys again

Brightest of Blessings to you and yours always!
oxo

Maria said...

I cannot imagine the pain you all feel at the loss of this beautiful babe,Luke.My heart goes out to you at this sad time.

Needled Mom said...

What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute to Luke. I cannot imagine the pain of trying to comfort your own child while you were in such deep grief after such an unexpected loss. I know he is watching over each of you every day.

laterg8r said...

so sad {{hugs}}

gin said...

What a lovely post for Luke. It's never easy going thru the loss. Bless you for being strong.

Mrs Moen said...

My grandmaheart is aching for you; I know exactly what you mean!

dani said...

melinda....thank you for sharing such an intensely personal subject. i admire the strength you have to survive such a horrible ordeal. thanks be to god that you have such a powerful creative gift to channel your emotions into & find solace in.
a lovely & moving page....:)

Tracy said...

Maga your are special just like your unique name . How precious to have given your child such lovely pictures of their child

mrs. c said...

Maga, you a wonderful grandmother. I know that your heart was broken when you lost Luke. words cannot describe how my heart goes out to you. I am a grand mother as well and love my Miss V more than life itself. Grandmother love is sometimes the sweetest of all!

Steph said...

My initial response is... wordless. How can I respond to such a sweet, sensitive, and vulnerable post. Love... we give our hearts, have many joys, but our hearts are also some times broken. You must miss him so. I'm thankful you have those precious memories and your dear little ones. You are a wonderful mother and Maga.

Red Couch Recipes said...

Maga, you are such a sweet grandma. I am sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you made to Luke. Joni

Pondside said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're so right about having to get past your own grief so that you can support your children - a mother's role was ever thus.

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

You wrote from the heart and it was beautiful. The loss of a child has to be the worst loss of all.

Jenny said...

What a lovely, compassionate and brave heart you have Melinda.

Your selflessness in this time of sorrow really touched me.

Thank for for sharing this tender, poignant story with us.

It was beautiful. And so was your precious Luke.

Hugs and prayers during this season of memory, dear Melinda.

Jenny said...

And Melinda, those words on your journal page. Oh my. I wish I could give you a hug sweet lady.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Oh...it truly is hard to imagine such a loss... What a wonderful thing that you were able to have so many photos of your little grandson. I am so looking forward to the day that our first grandbaby is born...of course, I am not pushing our daughter and it will be at the right time, but I have to admit, that I have a number of baby girl and baby boy clothes in a hope chest and also purchased a pleater, so I can start smocking some little things already!

My heart goes to you!
Blessings & Aloha!

mbkatc230 said...

Melinda, this is such a beautiful tribute to your precious grandson Luke. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of your loss, or the heartache of comforting your child. Bless you for sharing this, and your beautiful words. Kathy

Jeanne Turner McBrayer said...

Big lump in my throat, Maga. So sad to have lost your beautiful grandson.

Kristin said...

I could not finish reading this - I can only imagine how hard it must have been to you and your baby to live it! I am so sorry for your loss and commend you for putting your love into this beautiful piece of art, Kristin xo

Stempelientje said...

Oh Melinda, how very sad!It is heartbreaking.I am realizing Luke should have been now just one year younger then my little girl....
I have been lucky,and realize everyday is precious with her.
One day I hope to be a Maga too....
May little Luke rest in peace,and wish all the family strenght in this month remeberig little Luke.

Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

I cannot even imagine the loss of a grandchild; still I try to imagine your pain at this terrible loss and I am at a loss. I feel the tears welling in my heart for you and your family. Too soon you had to say good-bye to this precious child. I'm am so sad for you.
Sending you blessings and love,
Coralie

easternsparkle said...

Beautifully written, Melinda - you brought tears to my eyes.

Micki said...

It was so heartfelt what you wrote Melinda! Luke was such a special baby...I can see how much you miss him!
Micki

Julie Harward said...

Motherhood and grand motherhood...times that rip and stretch and fill our hearts beyond measure! Loved this post...Come say hi :D

Jessica at Kids Napping? I'm Scrapping! said...

Oh Melinda, my heart aches with yours.

Mumsy said...

You're moving me to tears with your love for Luke. Your letter to Luke is so heart-warming, and I hope one day when my time comes to be a grandma, I can be like you.

Patty said...

Such beauty, such love, so much joy and sadness bless you and family.

Nadeen said...

I know a small % of your pain. We lost a grandbaby to miscarriage and just went through the first 'anniversary' of the loss date. Although I didn't get to hold this baby, this baby is still one of mine.

SIDS is a horrible thing.

Marina said...

wow, I cannot even imagine the pain you and your daughter had felt....
sending warm hugs your way....

Lexie's thoughts said...

So sorry for your loss. he is beautiful.

Laurie said...

Oh, Melinda, he is beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss.