Sunday, January 18, 2009

Another dress and what I have been up to......


I have been really struggling to do anything lately! Depression is terrible and unfortunately, I know all about it . Today I felt halfway normal, maybe because there actually was sun and a blue sky . I still haven't been able to find a job, other than Sunday mornings at the church nursery. Last week,there were a total of thirteen jobs listed for the whole island and all of them were in nursing! I am happy for my daughter who graduates in June with her nursing degree, but it's not so great for me. I am starting to realize that I am going to have to pack it in here and go stay with either my dad or my sister. Can I tell you how much this hurts my pride? I have NEVER done this, and now here I am. I hate it. I feel bad for the little kids and I feel like a failure that I cant financially support them. One step from homeless is how I feel and in all honesty, that is probably the reality. Oh blah, blah blah Melinda.....this is not how I intended this post to go, but is honest. You have my permission to skip over it. Really! ...I did make myself go down to the dungeon (basement ) and sew. I finished the top of a quilt for Andrew. It is all different pirate fabrics and will be really cute. He is getting a kick out of seeing it made and knowing it is just for him. I also made another paper dress with Liv's help. Two more to go...I also have been walking on the treadmill every day to try to get some endorphins to kick in...Here is to a better life...somewhere, somehow...Are you listening God? Please.

13 comments:

Helen in the UK said...

Melinda, I want to reach out and give you a BIG HUG .... unfortunately a cyber-hug is the best I can do!!
Maybe someone is trying to tell you that your future is not on the Island. Maybe the better future you crave will start with a move to pastures new??? The amount you've had to put up with recently, admitting you need help from someone else is NOT a sign of weakness, but STRENGTH :)

Talking Horses Arts said...

Dear Melinda....Understand what you are saying here. I have been there...three times. Lost everything I had twice and have up to the last three years been a single mom. I am 51 now..lol. Is it not good to know you still have a place to go??
I know it hurts ones pride, but remember one of the lessons in life is to learn to deal with that too. I am hurting for you girl but I know you will be ok! Love you and hugs,
Andrea.

purplepaint said...

Melinda - big hug coming to you lady. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. This too shall pass. I'll keep you in my prayers. I love the dresses! Marva

Lorraine said...

love the dress and hope this year is better for you and you see a way out of your present circumstances..big cyber hugs

Rannyjean said...

Melinda:
Crying with you my dear friend. I understand depression to well as well as you do.
Remember sweetie jobs are tough everywhere, I have been looking daily and counted last years turn down letters (the ones that cared to send me one) 31 & that stings!
Going home in today's times may not be so bad. I have tried to get my family to move in with me...but then, we would need a bigger house.
God will provide and please, anytime, call me! I love ya & I pray for you and others like us. Grandparents United!

jennalee said...

Melinda- wow I love your new dress that you made. Also, too, I want to say that God does have a plan for you. When one door closes another will open. He just hasn't shown you yet what it will be, but He does have a plan, so do His will for you and you will be blessed.

Sherry said...

Melinda, I wish I could be there with you! I will definitely be praying for you and the kids. You have been through enough over the last year and you really need something amazing to happen in your life!! Your such a wonderful person and I know things will work out in the end. Keep your chin up!

Hugs,
Sherry

Yarni Gras! said...

my heart goes out to you Melinda. Things are so BAD EVERYWHRE. I don't know what all is going on with you but just know that you are being prayed for RIGHT NOW.

Margaret said...

Hang in there Melinda, I'm thinking of you. I love what you're able to create in the midst of everything, your dresses are so lovely. Margaretxo

Sarah said...

god I wish there was something I could DO

all I can do is send my very best wishes your way and hope that mine combine with the love and support from all your other friends to trip a little switch in the cosmos somewhere, and give you the lucky break you deserve x

PS Andrew is so incredibly adorable x

Lisa West said...

Your paper dresses are so wonderful!! Found you on Sherry's blog. Absolutely, God is listening...Lisa

~*~Patty Szymkowicz said...

I still have to say, I am amazed at all that you create with what you have going on! You have a strong and beautiful spirit, I know this from just the little I know about you lady! Many years ago (30 some) I too had to return home, but it was only a stepping stone....nothing is really permanent after all, is it. Maybe if you can just look at it as a step that will help you up the staircase....it's always easier for other to manage other people pain and sorrow. Know that there are lots of cyber friends all pulling for you. I think you're doing a wonderful job under the circumstances....and OK I'm babbling....giant hugs surrounding you in pink cotton candy (not too sticky but all airy and fluffy, if you know what I mean ;) oxoxooo
That dress is so darn cute!

Pearl said...

Ohhh Melinda...

~reaching out 'n gently squeezing your hand~

Yes, God is indeed listening to you, my friend... please know that I'll be sending up lots of prayers for you, as well... Awhile ago, I read that God answers prayers in three ways...
1 - Yes.
2 - No, not right now.
3 - No, I have other plans for you.

Regardless which answer He gives, He does promise that He will not leave us alone... I've been in your boat... I did move back home to my Parents, with an infant in my arms and an (ex)husband running in the opposite direction as fast as he could go... and I learned that even though I was certain that my entire world was crumbling all around me, it really wasn't... and I really was never alone...

Please hold tightly to your faith, and know that you're in alot of prayers... I am so proud of how you're not just giving up... Working on your art, caring for the children, and taking care of yourself with exercise are all excellent things to be doing! Keep moving forward... God bless...

~hugs 'n prayers~

Pearl