Wednesday, June 10, 2009

What the heck do You do?

I have had a rough week. Which for me, is not all that unusual...I am suffering self doubt and really doing some heart searching...I mentioned a while back that my daughter Lisa (the kids mom) was here and doing better and was planning on moving to Utah. The plan was to integrate her back into the kids lives and ultimately have them go back with her...It was scary for me just thinking about that....Scared for the kids, for Lisa and just plain being scared to have hope again that she is truly better....Last Thursday there is a knock on the door and we open it and there is Lisa at the door, she runs in and hugs me and then announces that she is there "to get her kids" warning, no nothing....Behind her is someone that is a very undesirable character..he and his wife have brought her to Utah to take the kids back to Portland. What his wife doesnt know is that this man is an unconvicted child molester...This is where Lisa plans to take the kids to live..Does she know his past? Heck yeah she knows, but feels it is more important to have the kids with her...They already had Olivia in the truck when they came to the door. The police were called, they came, saw I had gaurdianship and told them to leave...(I am leaving out all the screaming and namecalling) They spent the next day in court supposedly seeing the judge, (a big lie as I was in contact with the court clerk the whole day) and eventually filed court papers to remand the custody......Supposedly her defense is that "I tricked her into signing the guardianship papers..." Oh GOOD LORD...they had the courts location, date of the hearing and the request to give me gaurdianship on them and she signed them in front of a notary....I am calling this Lisa's law : I am an idiot, the person advising me is an idiot, therefore, you must be one too! So now I was served papers and have a month to respond and I am looking at a court fight. The hard part is I dont know what to do...My objection is where she plans on taking them (unsafe) and that she thinks Andrew will just be totally unaffected by being forced to live with someone he doesnt know and "he will adjust." How fair is this? Since she pulled this fiasco and of course involved the kids, he has wet his pants and the bed every day...He never has before...At the same time I feel bad for her,(Lisa) should her stupidity be held against her? I have to fight about where she takes them, but should I fight against her having them period? To me, this just shows druggie behavior even though she is currently clean...I see an attorney again on Wednesday and take the kids to see a counselor on Tuesday...Maybe I will feel more at peace then who knows..The sad thing is Olivia is all excited about going to stay with her mom...She thinks it is a summer visit and she is very angry with me for not letting her go...I am trying to just think of their best interest and trying to keep my own "soon to be broken heart if they go back" out of it... Other than that, what can I goes on, I am trying to create normalcy..I take out my aggression on the treadmill and try to act like all is fine....thanks for listening (reading) and once again I ask for your prayers...i need guidance....bad....


lesthook said...

I think it's called a cold drunk. It's where an alcoholic(or drug addict), has quit drinking,but still behaves in the same way. In my experience with a couple of family members,their maturity stops when they get addicted. It takes a long time to mature from there.

Your first clue was when she showed up unexpected to take the kids. A mature , thinking person doesn't do that. And to take them into an unsafe situation! A child that has been molested can never completely forget and be a true innocent again.
Your job,no matter how much it hurts cause you love your daughter,is to protect the innocent. I'm sorry I sound so preachy but this one hits close to home!
Hugs and prayers going out to you!

June said...

Oh i have no place to give advice or anything at all but i do feel your pain and worry and send you prayers and virtual hugs. I really hope all will be well and in the meantime ... know that you are right, you are doing a fantastic job by the sounds of it and protecting the little ones ... you have a heart of gold so stay strong
Hugs June xxx

Tonya's Sewing Room said...

Gosh Melinda, I am so sorry and my prayers are with you and those kids and Lisa. I'm like the comment above, your job is to keep them safe, especially from that molester. I have a long, huge story behind that and maybe someday will share it with you. However, if I could get up enough courage to share it with "the right person" someone would go to jail. I'm thinking of you.

Talking Horses Arts said...

Dear Melinda...I was crying for and with you reading this!
My friend...there is a lot that can be said and a lot that cannot be said. I wish I could help you!!
The only thing I can think of that could give you strength in court is: Find someone that can get you hard prove why the kids cannot go with Lisa at this point! Emotional reasons do not convince a judge as much as hard core evidence!! Even if this means hiring a detective or such...get the the evidence out! Yes it is sad that Lisa is behaving this way, sounds like reasoning with her right now is not and option. If you could get hard evidence then maybe she will see it too! All the strength in the world my friend to you! My prayers are with you!
Mail me if you need to talk...Phone!!xoxoxo

Rannyjean said...

First of all, the judge must be an idiot in Lisa's eyes, if this was all signed in front of a Notary and they knew where the court was, etc. They loose the trickery battle. Secondly, you need to have documentation on the unconvicted chmo, has he ever been arrested, charges filed, etc. Documentation to the courts is huge! Tell the judge Lisa's history and ask that she be routine drug tested for the next year or so and take CPS classes to strengthen her parenting skills. Courts usually don't just hand kids back and remember you are in Utah, many judges are LDS and they have a problem with drug use/abuse anyway! My prayers!

Melinda said...

Melinda - My heart goes out to you during this time. You have to do what you have to do. The only thing that is really important is the safety of the children and I know you will do everything you can to insure that. My prayers and thoughts will be with you while you endure this.

Sherry said...

I'm just going to tell you what I think and do with it what you want.

The kids should stay with you. Lisa hasn't been clean for that long, she has a new baby to care for and she hasn't had Olivia and Andrew for a couple of years now.

They need to be intrograted back slowly for Lisa's sake as well as the kids. I know you love Lisa, but you keeping the kids is much better for them and probably for Lisa too. I think between Lisa's hormones readjusting from having a baby and the adjustment of being clean for awhile her body and mind are probably all mixed up inside.

Olivia and Andrew need you, your love and your stability. Don't let Lisa quilt or bully into you giving up those kids. You have done a great job with them!!!!

You know I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs to you!!!!


Laurie said...

Stand your ground Melinda, as a former foster mom, I've seen it all. And courts don't just hand children back to their parents without serious consideration to whether they have done what they're supposed to. No judge in his or her right mind will let them go back right now. Listen to your lawyer, he is looking out for the best interest of the kids. My prayers are with you, Melinda,

Kids Napping? I'm Scrapping! said...

Hi Melinda, You are a good person with a healthier lifestyle for the kids. They should definitely stay with you. I had a whole long list of why, but I don't want to be so annoying! I will be praying for you and them.

June said...

Hi Melinda, thanks for your kind comments. You asked about the cabinet card. It wasnt a real one but a copy of the freebie ones that were on susies 1st floor flat blog. I just added some paints and image etc.
Sending hugs June xxx

denise said...

What the heck do you do? Keep the children safe from an addict!

Sending you all prayers!

Lisa Alff said...

After looking at the childrens pictures they look perfectly content being with you. Lisa is burdening you and the children with thoughtless hopes that will be unsucceseful as you well know. Any Lawyer will see that plain as day. When you mention child molsester it is over for that trip, he will need to be totally out of the picture for any consideration to be given. Stick to your guns no matter how painful, it is worth it for those precious babies. You are doing right and just go with your instincts they sound like they are right on spot to me.... I will pray for your success, warm hugs Lisa

Yarni Gras! said...

Keep the kids.........That being said, I will continue praying for you and the children. Their safety and stability in a loving environment is so important. Just keep that in mind and you will be able to make it through.

Elizabeth Golden said...

Oh Melinda You popped into my head today so I went to your blog. Mercy! I am so sorry you are having to go through this. That said i have some thoughts...
Olivia is mad at her she loves and trusts so she can throw anger at, her Mom she can't.
Please document everytime Andrew wets the bed, acts out etc. It will help the counselor and then you in court.
Soon they will be old enough to make choices that the court will hear. Being with you is the best thing for them.
I think like any child they want to know their parents. To see where they came from. When your parent is less than perfect it is hard.
A child molester is not anyone who should be around a sweet precious child.
Maybe your daughter can get some court ordered parenting classes.
So these are some of my thoughts. My biggest is that "Thank God" and I do mean that literally, that these children have you in their life to show them whats right and wrong and to just love them.
God bless you Melinda I will check in and see how things are, we are all sending you our most positive of thoughts and blessings.

purplepaint said...

Melinda - you did the right thing! There is no way she can take the kids to live with a child molester!!!! What on earth is she thinking?!!! I am so sorry you have to continue to go through this crap, how ridiculous!!! She is clearly not thinking of the kids best interest. I'll keep you in my prayers.