Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Still here.........

My life is a rollercoaster ride...Always has been and probably always will be. I accept that. Sometimes I feel like things are either so up or so down that I must be some kind of freak of nature. Is everyone's life like this or is it just me? Is it just the way I handle things? Am I doing something to bring all the ups and downs on? I dont know really. I just hang on and when it seems appropriate or not I scream and then I hang on some more and ride the ride. Honestly, I have been having a tough time lately. I think part of it is menopause is kicking some butt here. I think if I took hormones out of the equation I might be better at riding the scary rides.












I can still laugh, like at this picture, but the laughs are fewer. I am lonely for the kids and for the sound of family around me. At the same time, I am not up for a move back to Oregon or Washington. So I try to pull my big girl underpants up and trudge along rollercoaster or no. What I am trying to say is this is what I am going through and why it has been hard to blog.
I have been working a whole lot. I worked 9 days in a row so I could go on a five day camping trip. It was really fun although the heat made it pretty rough on me. Luckily I had an air conditioned rv to escape too...I went with a group of ten other people, one baby boy and numerous dogs. We went to a park called Sand Hollow by St George in Utah. The colors are amazing and I just got sucked into them. The sand is red, the rocks are red and then the lake is this amazing azure blue. I want to find fabrics those exact colors and use them to paint what I still see in my mind.











I did a lot of floating around surrounded by dogs...The water was just so wonderful and this picture doesnt even do it justice. I also climbed some big red rocks, rode the waverunner a lot and attempted to wakeboard. I got up twice meaning my butt left the water, but I couldnt stay up. I am going to get it next time for sure! I also took advantage of the perfect light and took the cutest baby photos of my friends little guy Ryder. I love to take "kid" pictures....














On the home front, very little progress in the unpacking. Things are still kinda chaotic. I putter and unpack half a box now and then and call it good. I did plant some flowers in pots for the back yard. I miss my garden, I miss my kids that garden with me.The flowers are pretty, but I didnt feel the joy that I usually do when my hands are in the dirt.

I went to the Capitol Theatre here in Salt Lake City and saw Les Miserables.








I had never seen it..I loved it. The music was incredible and made me cry more than once. Wicked is coming in August and I am so excited about it. I have wanted to see it for the longest time!

I also took a trip to the hospital in an ambulance from work after I collapsed with chest pain and anxiety. My anxiety really went up when the guy in the ambulance told me I was having a heart attack. Then they gave me some good drugs and I didnt care anymore. Is this why people like drugs? I almost think it was worth getting a break from my life...If only for a few days.


Creative wise? Very little...I have pulled out some rows of star blocks to start putting a quilt top together and then I laid it out and pondered over it....pondered some more and said to myself " oh, never mind" and put it back. I did make some fairy ornaments though....Because I had the Enchanted ornament swap and my partner is Sherry whom I love....













I also made some tags and cards....














My sister, Julie left with the kids to Oregon and has been gone two months....I am so anxious to see Jace and Baby Ava! The best news though? She brought Olivia back with her so I get to have her for the summer...I am really looking forward to it!!!

13 comments:

Maria said...

Hang in there Melinda. It is good you are keeping busy and it looks like a great few days away camping.
Pleased all went well with your trip to hospital. NO don't think it is worth it taking drugs. Only a down hill slide.
sending you lots of hugs
Maria XXXXXXX

jillytacy said...

Sounds like a lot to deal with. I do think that life is a roller coaster for everyone but sometimes you're on the big scary coaster and sometimes you get to ride the kiddie coaster instead. Here's hoping you get to ride the kiddie coaster. I hope that things will fall into place for you and will get better soon.

PeggyR said...

I know exactly what roller coaster you are on, I think I'm on the same one. Hopefully once I get Norm moved I can start living again! I love everything you have been doing though!

GARAGE SALE GAL ~ Deb's Earthly Delights said...

HiMelinda,
WOW...A LOT has been going on! Free ride to the hospital...good drugs..very pretty red lake and sand which I haven't seen before and still crafting! I hope you work schedule is better..9 days in a row is too much! I hope you are feeling better.
Take care!
Warmly,
deb

Needled Mom said...

I am sure that the roller coaster ride must feel as though it will never stop.

I was glad to read that the hospital trip did not end up being heart attack in the end. Whew!

Have a great time with Olivia.

Laurie said...

I'm so sorry for all you're going through Melinda, some point, the roller coaster ride has got to stop. And life will calm down again. I think having Olivia for the summer will be a big boost for you. Relax and enjoy. In the mean time, don't push yourself too hard, I'd hate to see you really end up in the hospital.
Bless You,
Laurie

Robin (RsIslandCrafts) said...

Oh Melinda it sounds like you are having a rough time. It's good to get away. Looks like your camping trip was relaxing even if only for a couple days. Have you thought about finding someone or a group to talk to? A visit with a doctor might be a good idea also. You might just need a little help to get you through the roughest times.

Jenny said...

Oh Melinda. I have no words. Just hugs and prayers coming from a far off friend.

Quiltingranny said...

First of all, I am also a roller coaster rider, you know that, you have ridden the rocky ride with me. Hmmmm, I wonder if that is why I hate them so much in the physical realm?? Secondly, I am so glad you will have Livvy to stay with you for the summer, you 2 are always so happy together and happy you took a trip to relax.
I wish Melinda I had reasons for what we go through, something to help soften your pain. All I can say, is when I get to heaven, I have lots of questions for God...then again, maybe I will be so happy to get there, it won't matter! Glad you are back, take your time & don't worry about us, just let us know once in awhile you are well!

Connie said...

Love the roller coaster picture! I'm sure I've looked that same way while riding, literally and figuratively.
Whenever I think about menopause and taking hormones, I think of the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" when the main character was having such a hard time and Jessica Tandy's character tells her to get some "harmones" to help her get through it.

St. George is a beautiful place and I too saw Les Miserables a few years ago and loved it!

Little Messy Missy said...

Hi girl I have been trying to text you for awhile...text me....you changed your cell #... miss you!!! Took the Tumble Weed out, had a divine time!! xoxoxoxoxoxox

Marva said...

Hey Minda! I was getting worried about ya! Glad to hear you're alright. Sorry the roller coaster is still going. I know all about the menopause crap - oh joy! Glad Liv is coming to stay with you! You two will have such a good time! Sending you hugs and prayers! Keep us posted once in awhile. Love ya!

Sandy Ang said...

Your angel ornanments look great. And I wish I could sit in the water all day too as we are having a heatwave here. Take good care of yourself