Sunday, November 14, 2010

Airing my dirty laundry........

Just how personal do you get on a blog? Well, I am about to get there. I have been so grateful for the last year and a half of my life that things were good. When my youngest daughter took the kids back to Portland it was tough, but I had a husband who loved me and was supportive while I went thru piecing my life back together once again. Have you ever had so much misfortune at times that it embarasses you? Well, I come before you all embarassed and humiliated and devastated. On Friday, Don, my husband announced that he was leaving me and going to Oregon. I was blindsided. We have no quarrels about any of the usual stuff. We have been good friends to each other and I thought we loved each other....At first I thought he was joking...he wasnt. He says that he is retired and wants a companion and he is alone too much. Ok, except he is the one who suggested I go back to work full time.
I was speechless...He told me he was going to his sons house....He never went there...He went to Texas instead apparently to get some companionship with a 69 year old woman. The only reason I figured it out was because he left an email and credit card trail. He called tonight with the woman beside him and told me "I will get over it in a few months." I feel abandoned and hopeless.
I try so hard to be a good person. I try to be a good friend, and I know I was a good wife. I have never thought of myself as a victim or pushover, but apparently I must be. My dad and my sister are just sick for me....I havent heard from the kids. I hope I survive this because I have been walking the edge for a long time and I feel broken....thanks for listening.......Melinda

44 comments:

Julie Harward said...

He is a jerk...sorry, but a man that age that needs you all the time is a baby! You can do better...hang in there...it will get better.

BROOKE said...

My god, what the hell is wrong with MEN! When they are unhappy they just fricken assume that it's the other person - it's not. They need to fix something in themselves instead they change partners or cheat and just make you feel really miserable about yourself. Melinda - I know you are hurting and you are looking internally right now - but when that anger hits, and it will - direct it where it belongs - at him - and use that fierce energy to just create your heart out. Lean on someone close that will listen as you cry and stop you when you turn the at yourself. There is life on the other side of this. He's a fool. And if you need, you write all you want on your blog. We're here to hear you out.

Miss 376 said...

I am so sorry, Melinda. I've only been following your blog for a short time, but you have always seemed a genuine person, with a lovely sense of humour. I shall be thinking of you during this difficult time.

Sarah said...

Oh Melinda, my heart goes out to you. I was so happy for you when you first got together with Don and you seemed so over the moon – you deserve happiness more than almost anyone I know. I am so sorry he turned out to be a cheating jerk :( You are SO much better off without him, but I bet it doesn’t feel that way in the slightest right now :( The commenter above got this one so right, he is externalising his dissatisfaction with himself and just moving from woman to woman, you have done NOTHING wrong. This guy won’t be happy wherever he is or whoever he’s with. YOU on the other had WILL be happy again, because you are a LOVELY sweet lady who thinks only of others. My favourite saying in times like these is “everything will be ok in the end. If things aren’t ok, it’s not yet the end”. Please please please hang on in there, and vent away on your blog as much as you need to, if it helps. We are all here for you. xxx

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PaTcHwOrK jEnN said...

Guess you can get your chickens now! That is crazy Melinda, he is a fool. He left your travel trailer right? If you would like to come to TX just cause you are welcome to come visit and park your trailer on my 8 acres away from the world. HUGS! IF you need to talk you are welcome too call or email me.

LOVE YA!
Jenn

Joanne Lendaro said...

I'm with Jen, go and get those Chickens!! do something that makes YOU happy!!

Okay so he is an idiot! We didn't know that until he left, it was a great secret that he managed to keep all to himself. It would take a true idiot to leave you sweetie!!

You just pick yourself up, get all gussied up (as I am sure you do every day) and beat the world with a HUGE stick!! YOU CAN DO IT!! Don't you dare let some idiot get the better of you, you are way too good for him and now you can prove it by just telling the world that he left the best thing he'll ever have!

Now you go stompin' through the day with that beautiful personality and warm smile of yours. He's the loser, not you!

HUGS KIDDO!!

Viki said...

I don't know what to say but I'm sorry this happened to you. Just hang in there and you will get through this. Hugs to you.

Pam said...

Melinda,
My heart goes out to you. I'm so glad you are able to share your feelings on your blog. Don't be embarrassed. Please continue to blog. You will find strength from others. You are a "genuine jewel" and unfortunately you met a "fake". I'm sending BIG HUGS your way.

Maria said...

I am so sorry for you Melinda but he just does not deserve a lovley women like you.
You can vent all you like and we are more than happy to read your post.
Take good care of yourself Melinda.
Hugz
maria XX

Needled Mom said...

Oh Melinda, I am speechless and so sorry. Please know that it was not you. He sounds very mixed up and cruel to have her on that call as well. Unbelievable. I KNOW that you will get through this and come out stronger because of it.

Again....I am so sorry for your pain that you must be experiencing right now. I wish there was a way to help.

Helen in the UK said...

Oh Melinda ... I'm almost speechless!!

How can so many horrible things happen to one person!?!?! You sure don't deserve this and as you say HE encouraged you to get a job. At least you have that job and can support yourself financially. Get a dartboard, pin his face to it and vent some of that anger!!! Maybe you could cut up something that belonged to him into pieces and distribute it through blogland, then we all get to make it into a voodoo doll and stick pins in it {evil laugh}.

Sending HUGE HUGS your way :)

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

I don;t EVEN know what to say..is he nuts? He certainly doesn't deserve a good person like you and though it is so very raw and painful now, I hope HOPE you know this is NOT so much about you as it is HIS weakness..

It makes me mad as hell..what is he thinking? Obviously, he's not. Melinda, if I could put my arms around you this very minute, I would and tell you this is in NO WAY a reflection on YOU..please please know we care and we all would do anything to help...

evilqueenkaren said...

Melinda, OMG. You have had a bad bit lately .... you are such an amazing person .... you know I love you and am thinking of you .... I would say what an ass he is, but you already know that.... it will take you a bit, but you have already been through losing your grandbabies and daughter to another state, you will get through this! I'll email you soon. Be yourself and take good care of yourself. You are awesome and the best. Love you. Karen P. (you know.... tote swap partner!!! )

evilqueenkaren said...

Melinda, OMG. You have had a bad bit lately .... you are such an amazing person .... you know I love you and am thinking of you .... I would say what an ass he is, but you already know that.... it will take you a bit, but you have already been through losing your grandbabies and daughter to another state, you will get through this! I'll email you soon. Be yourself and take good care of yourself. You are awesome and the best. Love you. Karen P. (you know.... tote swap partner!!! )

PeggyR said...

OMG I am so sorry to hear this!

Nancy said...

There isn't really anything else I can say that hasn't been already said... He tells you to get a full time job so he can ultimately use that as an excuse to leave. What a coward he is...
We are here for you and you vent as much as you want.
When my son-in-law cheated on our daughter, she used to write scathing emails to him...and then delete them before she sent them... She felt so much better after each eamil..lol

Jenxo said...

oh Melinda, im gobsmacked , i can only imagine your shock and pain too.

you can vent all you like , whatever it takes to get you though this, and you will come out the other side a happy person , i just know it.
love and hugs to you......jenxo

Quiltmoose - Dagmar said...

Oh, Melinda, I had to read your post twice because I could't believe he really left you. It must be a horrible time for you, but I'm sure one day you will realize that he is a stupid jerk and you deserve a better person.

I am very sorry that you are having a rough time again. There is always sunshine after the rain!!
Take care,
Dagmar

Jeanne Turner McBrayer said...

Well, Hell. I am so sorry, girl. Blogging girlfriend is sending you big hugs and lots of love. Get thee some chocolate and dive in.

Patty said...

Melissa, I'm not sure what to say to you. There aren't words that will make this hurt go away. I know you are a strong, beautiful woman and will eventually get over this. Honestly you are better off without him if this is what he is truly like. Hang in there and let me know if there is any thing I can do to help you over this difficult time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
A big Hug.
Patty

GARAGE SALE GAL said...

Oh Melinda,
I am so very sorry...it's good to talk about the situation and know that the blogging gals do care! I'll be praying for you! I hope there is someone you can talk to where you live...a pastor or counselor would be a good start. Maybe there is a woman's crisis center that could also help you. Please call for help, both mentally and financially...sending you a huge HUG and prayers for direction as you go thru this.
Warmly,
deb

Stempelientje said...

Dear Melinda,

I had to read it twice....first I thought I might misunderstood,I truly hoped I did.....
I am so sorry to hear this,and understand you are devastated.
I was so happy for you when you married Don and hoped life would be better for you.This is so unfair of him.He should have talked to you instead of running off.After all it was him who suggeseted you should go out working.I wish I could be nearer to you to give you some support.
If you ever fancy to take a flight here to Holland,be welcome to stay at our home!You are more thenm welcome!
I will be thinking of you and if there is anything I can do for you,please let me know!

Big (((hugs))

Laura said...

Life is so unbelievable tough at times and it is so horrid and miserable. I was completely gob smacked to read all this. It wasn't long ago you got married? I have been thinking of you a lot recently and have been meaning to drop you a line. Unfortunately I read this first. Please try to keep strong and just try to think life is horrid at times and it seems most people have to go through a time when you think nothing else can go wrong, must be at rock bottom, and then more bad things happen. Hang on in there things will improve. It may be a while yet but things will improve.

Robin (rsislandcrafts) said...

I'm so sorry Melinda! Sometimes we don't truly know a person until they do something stupid like this. When you get to this stage in your life you are supposed to be more mature and able to be by yourself sometimes. Some men just can't seem to function without a women by their side all the time. I think couples need to have some time apart during the day. Otherwise they will go crazy.

I can imagine it has been a hard year or so for you and this was not what you were expecting from the man who said he would be by your side for the good times and the bad.

They say when a door closes a window opens. Scream and cry and yell for a couple days. You deserve to be hurt and mad. Then, I know it will be hard, but it will be time to do some things that you love. Find something to do that you love (like the chickens) that people have told you no or that you were crazy for wanting to do it.

Take care of yourself and do things to make you happy and to heck with everyone else. This needs to be your time.

Lorraine said...

I agree with all of the above comments..hang on in there sending you massive hugs..what a fool he is

gin said...

Oh dear Melinda, I am so sorry you have been hurt by him. You can cry and scream and yell. Soon you will accept that he really is an @**?@@*.
Then you stand tall and be brave and be that sweet Melinda that you always have been. We are all pulling for you! Show him how much better you are without him. You don't need to go thru life with that idiot. Hugs to you!!

Yarni Gras! said...

what?

I am so very sorry Melinda. I don't know why some people can't just be steadfast and true. You are in my prayers sweetie.

Yarni Gras! said...

I actually had to come back and read the post again. Then I read ALL the comments. I'm just stumped by all this. No sense...no sense at all for him to do something this foolish. So for now, just imagine all of us out here pulling for you, loving you and wanting you to be happy. Use all that positive energy to help yourself get through this. You will get through this too....you are a fighter and you need to remember that. Again, you are in my prayers.
val

Marva said...

What???????? Oh my gosh! What is the matter with that man?!!! Oh Melinda, I am so, so sorry! He doesn't deserve you! You are the sweetest person, pretty, young, HE is an idiot! I agree with Helen! Get a dartboard! And I'd be willing to try a voodoo doll...

Sherry said...

Okay....I'm am so pissed off! I will email you in a little bit. I need to calm down.

Hugs~~~~~
Sherry

Jasmine said...

Melinda, I am so sorry. I wish I had words to help you heal. Do your children know? xJ

Jasmine said...

Melinda, I am so sorry. I wish I had words to help you heal. Do your children know? xJ

Pat said...

OMG....I am so far behind on blogs and just saw your latest post and couldn't figure out what was happening, so I backtracked and found THIS. I am SOOOO sorry. You don't deserve for this to be happening. You ARE a good person and have always tried to help others, so don't doubt yourself. The problem in this situation lies with HIM. Others have already said much of what I'd have said. I hope and pray you don't give him the power to keep you down......show him that you DON'T need him!!!

roc said...

oh no melinda...i just read this post second......good lord. i am SO sorry for your personal strife. wow..sometimes life does just kick us in the stomach, doesn't it. it is so hard to feel rejection. it is never easy. while this will offer no comfort, i'm sure, please know that what other people do is always about themselves and never about us. he didn't leave you because you aren't a great person. who you are, a beautiful spirit, is just the same with or without him by your side. please know that i will be praying for you to give your strength, courage and peace. god bless you melinda.

Debby said...

Oh my dear sweet girl, I don't know what to say other than I know you are a very strong person and this too will pass. What a goofpot he must be. I will be thinking of you and holding you in my thoughts. Hang in there. Love you girl!!!

Little Messy Missy said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jo said...

I am so sorry that i never saw this post earlier ... you are not alone .... lots of us have walked this path and girl, you do recover .... right about when you start to discover the you thats been inside of you and all along ... you will find strength, you will find peace, you will find love, you will find solace ... be brave, be strong, be beautiful and be you ... and you do have many bloggy friends that are clearly here for you... big hugs!!!

Rannyjean said...

Forgive me Melinda, but what the HELL? Is he thinking?? You are amazing, you have my phone number and you will survive! The internet makes for some crazy decisions. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo crying for your pain!

SheilaC said...

I am so sorry Melinda! I know exactly what you are going through because my husband did the exact same thing to me in 2003 after almost 25 years of marriage.

It may not seem like it now, but you will get through this, and you WILL be stronger.

Lean on your friends and take up yoga. Yoga helped me a lot!

HUGS
SheilaC

Laurie said...

OMG, Melinda I gasped out loud when I read this tonight. 13 days after you wrote it -- that's what I get for being so slow with my blog reading lately. I am so, so sorry. Gosh darn it I am so angry at Don! What the heck! I think the women who commented before me have all had good words of advice. All I can add to it is that you can email me anytime and I'll send you my phone number -- we can talk or even make a plan for a getaway for you as you seek to heal. I am so, so sorry. It will take time but I know you will make it through. (hugs)

Jenny said...

Oh Melinda. I am speechless. And so angry. And I want to give you a giant hug.

Oh Melinda. What is up with this? I've read the later posts here.

You are in my prayers. I have no words to express my profound surprise and sorrow.

Michelle said...

Hey Melinda,
I read your post when you first posted it. It brought back memories (so I know what you are going through) and the thing that hurt the most was trying to understand 'Why do people change?'. To try and figure out an answer doesn't matter because your life will never go back to the way it was...so what's the point? I will tell you this, I did not waste my time or energy trying to figure him out. Sure, I cried but I got over it. I realized that life is too short. I hope with time you will find peace within your heart and move on to more wonderful things.

Hugs,
Michelle

Regena said...

Omg honey!! I will pray for you.

And I will pray for him too, you know, like the song with the flower pot falling and the brakes giving out. Jussayin.........