Thursday, September 30, 2010
Alphabe Thursday, B is for Baths of Mud
Please join us in our journey thru the alphabet, round two....It is hostessed by Jenny Matlock at http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com.
Today is Thursday, and the letter is B......I thought about it for a while, and then I remembered the perfect B' story...
The year was 1999 and I was selling motor homes. I won a contest sponsored by Fleetwood Motor homes and it was a trip to Nascar in Sonoma....Until that point, I know nothing about Nascar and what a big deal this trip was. My best friend went with me and we decided to have a great time even though we knew nothing about racing....We got racing jackets, Watched the race from the pits and I even rode in the pace car. I found out I enjoyed the whole Nascar experience and I brought my Dad home a lot of autographs and pictures. He was thrilled.
There were six of us who won and Dawn and I were the only girls. The first few days were trial races and we weren't all that interested in them. I asked the Fleetwood Rep if we could do something "more girly" and he suggested the town of Calistoga Springs and their spa treatments. We were all for it!
Spa treatments? Oh yeah, I am all about that. So they chauffeured us down there in grand style. We were going without any appointments made. When we got there, the facialist was booked but they said they had mud bath packages available.
I had never seen or experienced a mud bath but I was ready and so was Dawn. In my head I pictured a Zen kind of room, very quiet and private....soft music playing in the background relaxing in a soothing mud bath.
The lady at the front called our names and took us to our dressing rooms and told us each to undress and leave our clothes in the room......I stood there, in shock looking at her....I said, "ok, hang on a minute here...." "Where is the fluffy white robe or a towel?" "where are we going?"
She asked me if I wanted to see the mud baths first. Well yeah, I did at that point...We walk into this institution like room with naked women running all about and these vats filled with what looks like poop.
My mouth dropped open. I looked at my friend and said, "you have got to be kidding!"
She immediately starts begging...."please, please, please, I want a mud bath, it will be fun, blah, blah, blah......
It looked like a demented scene from One flew over the Cuckoo's nest....you know like a place where they might give you a shock treatment or an ice bath with a tarp over you and restraints.
Now was that my only objection? NO! I did in no way want to parade myself naked in front of a room full of people....Modest I have always been. Finally she whined so much that I gave in letting her know that in no way or form did I care to see her butt naked nor her to see mine.
I undressed and mortified, I let a spa girl lead me to a vat where she plopped me into it up to my neck. It was hot and squishy and had texture and it smelled. She tucked my arms and hands into it and the mud held them down.
Then she slapped two cucumbers on my eyes and left me surrounded by naked crazy people buried in mud.
I laid there and tried to find my happy place. I never found it. I was too hot, and my nose itched. I couldnt see, so I said quietly, " I need to scratch my nose..." no one answered. I yelled it a little louder....No answer....Finally I had enough and yelled full volume, "I am naked, buried in a cow pie that stinks, I am blinded by cucumbers and I want out of this now!!!!"
A very quiet voice by my head said, "Ok let's hose you off..." HOSE ME OFF! NAKED....Sure enough she led me to a shower room and washed my butt crack free of mud with a hose....I was in a nightmare. Then she sent me to a steam room with a hand towel to wipe my face. I was in a steam room full of naked hoo hoos trying to cover my happy places with a hand towel.
I ran right back out, hand towel in place and let them know that I had reached my limit. Finally they wrapped me in a white robe and took me to a quiet place. Because of my hysteria, or because that was normal, I dont know...I missed out on the herbal mineral bath in the community naked room. I was relieved.
My friend, on the otherhand thought it was just amazing and went on and on about how we were glowing and refreshed. That night the winners of the trip and the sponsors ( all men) got together at a Napa Valley Winery and had a very fancy dinner. My good friend Dawn proceeded to give a play by play of my mud bath antics....It is funny now, but not then. I wanted to strangle her little neck.
(I won a trip to Hawaii the next year and I didnt take her.....)
I would never do it again in a million years, but I can say I did and survived the ordeal. Anyone been to a mud bath?