Thursday, September 30, 2010

Alphabe Thursday, B is for Baths of Mud

Please join us in our journey thru the alphabet, round two....It is hostessed by Jenny Matlock at

Today is Thursday, and the letter is B......I thought about it for a while, and then I remembered the perfect B' story...

The year was 1999 and I was selling motor homes. I won a contest sponsored by Fleetwood Motor homes and it was a trip to Nascar in Sonoma....Until that point, I know nothing about Nascar and what a big deal this trip was. My best friend went with me and we decided to have a great time even though we knew nothing about racing....We got racing jackets, Watched the race from the pits and I even rode in the pace car. I found out I enjoyed the whole Nascar experience and I brought my Dad home a lot of autographs and pictures. He was thrilled.
There were six of us who won and Dawn and I were the only girls. The first few days were trial races and we weren't all that interested in them. I asked the Fleetwood Rep if we could do something "more girly" and he suggested the town of Calistoga Springs and their spa treatments. We were all for it!

Spa treatments? Oh yeah, I am all about that. So they chauffeured us down there in grand style. We were going without any appointments made. When we got there, the facialist was booked but they said they had mud bath packages available.

I had never seen or experienced a mud bath but I was ready and so was Dawn. In my head I pictured a Zen kind of room, very quiet and private....soft music playing in the background relaxing in a soothing mud bath.

The lady at the front called our names and took us to our dressing rooms and told us each to undress and leave our clothes in the room......I stood there, in shock looking at her....I said, "ok, hang on a minute here...." "Where is the fluffy white robe or a towel?" "where are we going?"

She asked me if I wanted to see the mud baths first. Well yeah, I did at that point...We walk into this institution like room with naked women running all about and these vats filled with what looks like poop.

My mouth dropped open. I looked at my friend and said, "you have got to be kidding!"
She immediately starts begging...."please, please, please, I want a mud bath, it will be fun, blah, blah, blah......

It looked like a demented scene from One flew over the Cuckoo's know like a place where they might give you a shock treatment or an ice bath with a tarp over you and restraints.

Now was that my only objection? NO! I did in no way want to parade myself naked in front of a room full of people....Modest I have always been. Finally she whined so much that I gave in letting her know that in no way or form did I care to see her butt naked nor her to see mine.

I undressed and mortified, I let a spa girl lead me to a vat where she plopped me into it up to my neck. It was hot and squishy and had texture and it smelled. She tucked my arms and hands into it and the mud held them down.

Then she slapped two cucumbers on my eyes and left me surrounded by naked crazy people buried in mud.

I laid there and tried to find my happy place. I never found it. I was too hot, and my nose itched. I couldnt see, so I said quietly, " I need to scratch my nose..." no one answered. I yelled it a little louder....No answer....Finally I had enough and yelled full volume, "I am naked, buried in a cow pie that stinks, I am blinded by cucumbers and I want out of this now!!!!"

A very quiet voice by my head said, "Ok let's hose you off..." HOSE ME OFF! NAKED....Sure enough she led me to a shower room and washed my butt crack free of mud with a hose....I was in a nightmare. Then she sent me to a steam room with a hand towel to wipe my face. I was in a steam room full of naked hoo hoos trying to cover my happy places with a hand towel.

I ran right back out, hand towel in place and let them know that I had reached my limit. Finally they wrapped me in a white robe and took me to a quiet place. Because of my hysteria, or because that was normal, I dont know...I missed out on the herbal mineral bath in the community naked room. I was relieved.

My friend, on the otherhand thought it was just amazing and went on and on about how we were glowing and refreshed. That night the winners of the trip and the sponsors ( all men) got together at a Napa Valley Winery and had a very fancy dinner. My good friend Dawn proceeded to give a play by play of my mud bath antics....It is funny now, but not then. I wanted to strangle her little neck.

(I won a trip to Hawaii the next year and I didnt take her.....)

I would never do it again in a million years, but I can say I did and survived the ordeal. Anyone been to a mud bath?


Splendid Little Stars said...

NO! And now I never will!!! Thank you! This is absolutely hilarious (I know. I know. It wasn't at the time.) Pardon me, but I am laughing and laughing out loud.
Oh how I love your wonderful story!

Laurie said...

What a funny story Melinda! And it convinced me I never will in a million years have a mud bath! I'll keep the memories of playing in the mud when I was a kid instead. That's the closest I'll ever come to it!

Miss 376 said...

haha no, and never likely to now!

Julie Harward said...

That is amazing...when we were in Israel, we bathed in the mud of the Dead Sea! :D

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

This doesn't even sound fun after years of allowing the pain (and suffering) to have subsided. Even your story, which was meant to be fun and funny, made me shudder. Squishing mud between my toes at the river is bad enough. But to be completely submerged would throw me into a panic attack.

On the other hand, the NASCAR part of the trip sounds like MY kind of fun. I would never have given up seeing a day of trials, or the chance to visit the pits before the races got underway. Riding in the pace car is an incredible honor and there are some of us reading this (OK, me for one) who would have given anything for that privilege. I had VIP passes to drag races at Indy one year, and I can assure you, that was the best five days of racing ever!

Trudy Callan said...

Oh my gosh! I could never do that!

I posted a video on my art blog along with an update of where I am with the Artistic Mother projects.

Viki said...

Oh my, I don't think I could have done it either. Seeing that picture, I know I couldn't have done it lol. Seems nasty..

Pondside said...

Here I sit, like some sort of fool, laughing my head off in a hotel room. Thanks for that!
I don't think I'll ever try a mud bath - especially after your description. I've been naked in a German spa, but believe me, it was a health place and no one, but no one was looking, and I wasn't worried about getting mud in any sensitive areas!

mle said...

Oh! thanks for the chuckle today : )
I don't think I could do it naked - the being hosed down part sounds awkward!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I don't think I could do this. I'd want hose myself off.

Sara Katt said...

You are NEVER going to get me in a mud bath!! I don't even like water!
So I can really relate to your discomfort.
Sara Cat

But it made a very funny story. Great post.
Sara Cat's B-post JM
Anna's B-post JM

Patty said...

Emphatically no! I will never after you story. roflmao!
Have a good weekend!

Anonymous said...

not for me either!
have a good weekend.

Terra said...

that story was fabulous and now I know for sure what to avoid at the spas...oh my...I don't think I would make it as far as you did


OMG! That was a scream and I was claustophobic just looking at that mud bath. I went to the baths in Hot Spring, AR and felt the same way. Naked....letting someone bath me. Are you serious? Well, the mud bath might have trumped it....hahahahaha.

Rannyjean said...

Mud bath NO...Nudist colony yes! Years ago, pregnant, ready to drop anyday and it was hot and humid where we lived....hubby takes me to a Nudist colony someone told him they had a pool. I had it all to myself, swim suit on & no one came near me they were afraid I would birth in the pool. We never went back, but I was very thankful that day to have a place large enough to float a whale!

mub said...

See, the mud bath doesn't sound so bad but the running around naked is a nightmare *L* I'm still not used to the dressing rooms at the pool here, people just don't care if they're running around bare!

Tina said...

that does look really cool, although I wouldnt like the idea of getting naked in front of others and not being able to move my parts properly lol

Tina from
Mummy Diaries

Jenny said...

Melinda, you have me totally laughing at your post here. I can soooo picture this happening to someone...well not the naked you part but you know what I mean.

I really enjoyed my stop here this week.

I'm so glad to see you can still squeeze this in even with your new job!

Hooray for us all.

Thanks for linking.


Louisiana Momma said...

too too funny.. "naked hoo hoos" LMBO!!!!!!!!

Louisiana Momma said...

by the way.. I can't imagine a demure way to spread the cheeks to get hosed out LOL

Laurie said...

Oh look, I can comment now. Hmm. Anyway -- ROFLMAO! That is exactly why I would NEVER want to go to a mud bath, or a steam room, or any communal experience that requires me to be naked with a bunch of strangers or, even worse, a FRIEND!! Your friend owes you BIG TIME!!